Just been DUMPED!

Rejected

One of the fundamental problems with relationships and “falling in love” is that you open yourself to the hazards of breaking up and getting dumped. You may have heard the saying, “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved before.” That sounds great until you are the one being dumped. Then it’s a whole different story. It really depends on how much you have “invested” in the relationship in terms of time and energy. The thing that hurts so much about being dumped is that you feel like you have been betrayed. You may also feel like you will die. To lose someone you truly love is, at times, nearly unbearable.

There are situations where you can look at your boyfriend or girlfriend, you can “feel” that “something” is seriously amiss and you can say to him or her, “Is something wrong? If something is wrong please tell me and I will fix it.” And the person will look you right in the eye and say, “Nothing is wrong. I’m fine.” And then a week later he or she dumps you and you find out there has been “someone else” for a month. Most people experience something like this at least once in their lives, and it is bewildering.

Why does that kind of stuff happen? It happens because relationships are random. There is no explaining why someone falls in love with you in the first place, and there is no explaining why someone falls out of love with you, either. It just happens. When it happens, the only thing you can do is accept it, be thankful for the good times and walk away. That can be incredibly hard to do, especially the first few times you get dumped; but it is the only thing you can do.

 Imagine that you have been going out with your girlfriend/boyfriend for months or so. One day you notice that you are fighting a lot and there is distance growing between you that you do not understand. Or your communication becomes less frequent until almost zero. Several weeks later your girlfriend/boyfriend asks to stop seeing you, and you discover he or she is going out with someone else. Your girlfriend/boyfriend has dumped you for another man/woman! When you ask yourself, “What is my goal?” your mind answers, “To die!” It hurts so bad you cannot stand it. You feel like you have been betrayed, you know you have been completely rejected and humiliated and you do not understand how someone you were so in love with could do this to you. However, after thinking about it for several weeks, you realize your goal is, “To get past this and get on with my life.” What are some of your options?

1. You can commit suicide. Haha! (not recommended) 
2. You can find a handgun and plot to kill your boyfriend/girlfriend.(LOL! dont!)
3. You can be incredibly depressed and droopy and hide for three months.
4. You can harass your old girlfriend/boyfriend with 700 phone calls a day pleading with her/him to take you back.
5. You can walk away from her/him and forget about it. There are, after all, other fish in the sea, and one day you will find someone better. You can also learn quite a bit from the experience.

The first two options are obviously useless and absurd, but it is interesting to lay them out as options so that you can reject them. The disadvantages associated with these two options are so huge that they are discarded immediately. Why would you want to screw up the rest of your life over this girl/guy? That is silly.

The third option certainly is easy but has no benefits.

The fourth one is common but pathetic.

The fifth one has the most potential. What if you could actually do that? It would require a good bit of maturity and discipline. For the first week or two it might be very hard, but it is possible. If you could pull it off it would have a lot of benefits and no significant disadvantages. The question then becomes, “What can I do to help myself get past this and not wallow in self-pity?” You might try talking with someone who has had a similar problem. They could give you advice and insight, and they can also help you gain perspective.”