Remote Control For MEN

i found this picture at sir Alex’s - Retarded’s notebook’s blogsite.

 hahaha what if there’s actually an existing and fully functional piece of hardware as this at your nearest Ace hardware and/or Electronics store ? i will purchase a dozen of it hahaha. the other 11 will serve as spare or fail-safe in case she destroys one.

imagine the powerful functions it can do. when you get home past midnight tired and tipsy and your girl starts yelling and nagging, you press either “stop nagging” or “mute” buttons haha. then sit on the couch and press give me “beer” button. when served, press “massage”. when she complains or gives you a smirk, press “stop nagging” again then “remove clothes”button HAHAHAHAHA. my bad!

Ladies, REACT!

Death of an Innocent - Very Saddening

in my venture and commitment to abhor, if not totally abandon the habit of drinking alcohol except on those occasions where highly demanding and irresistable peer pressure is present and inevitable (LOL), i am sharing you this shocking poem which left me teary-eyed. Please read it in its entirety.

Death of an Innocent

by: Elizabeth Beeson,

 I went to a party, Mom,

I remembered what you said.You told me not to drink, Mom,
So I drank soda instead.
I really felt proud inside, Mom,
The way you said I would.
I didn’t drink and drive, Mom,
Even though the others said I should.
I know I did the right thing, Mom,
I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
As everyone is driving out of sight.
As I got into my car, Mom,
I knew I’d get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me,
So responsible and sweet.
(more…)

Quit Drinking Alcohol says Starbucks

I am amenable to the well-settled and established fact that ALCOHOL destroys families, homes, brotherhoods, relationships, friendships etc.  My uncle is an alcoholic. i could not recall when did he start drinking alcohol. He drinks a considerable amount of beer every damn day of his life. i remember when i was still domiciled in the province, he used to summon me to buy for him two big bottles of beer called grande. Although the sari-sari (retail) store was a bit far from our humble abode and i had two fragile and not-so-strong arms to comfortably carry the two grande bottles, i dont complain at all. why? because he always tells me to keep the change or that i could buy any junkfoods of my choice with the change hahaha. I usually needed several stops not only because the bottles were too damn heavy but i was also carrying in my pockets, loads of junkfoods and i had to stop to eat some so that by the time i reach home, only few were left to share with my then little brother haha. okay enough of this kiddie stuff. (more…)

Freaky text messages

When the clock stroke 5:00 o’clock in the afternoon yesterday, our office decided to have a break and play billiards. It has been months since i last played billiards i readily felt excited. My lappy however, was still downloading a torrent file and it’s nearly finish so i can’t close it yet. Instead, i set my lappy to hibernate after 45 minutes. To make this possible, i use “amp winoff”, a small yet powerful and efficient software.

I forgot to bring along my cue stick so i just chose one of the crappy cue sticks in the display. While playing, I received a freaky message from an unknown sender, the contents of which is reproduced hereunder, to wit:

Greetings! Mr. (my complete name with middle initial except that she misspelt a letter). This is (the sender’s name) from Astoria Plaza Hotel. This is regarding your raffle stub that you filled up at AUTOCYCLE. I have a good news for you. Please call me at 6361964 or 6361967. Thank you. (more…)

Holding on and Not letting go.